Sex has become a path to spirituality for me. And this is something I was somewhat skeptical about when I first entered the BDSM community and heard people refer to S/m as Sex Magic.
I thought perhaps they were putting a romantic spin on what was simply just a really great way to get some endorphins and exercise.
But by adding submission to my sexual expression something rather magical did happen.
I began to equate such fun activities as being on my knees, obeying even when I didn't want to do what I was told, and having my own pleasure postponed for someone else's pleasure, as spiritual acts.
Acts of humbling myself, acts of sacrifice and selflessness. These are acts that every religion, as far as I can tell, considers very spiritually healthy.
Now I get it.
Sex became more than just me striving for an orgasm. It became about linking to the desires of my partner, of losing myself in his will, and not my own. Of acknowledging my own powerlessness, and accepting it with faith and trust.
What is that saying: Let go and let God? Well, it's something like that.
To look at your partner and see them as a vessel of whatever greater power there may be out there in the Universe. To acknowledge the greater power by seeing them as a representation of life and creation...
To worship the divine in the person I am submitting to...It's as rapturous as any religious experience.
In all my dabbles with spiritual doctrines like Buddhism I could never manage those states of being in the moment, of accepting one's powerlessness. Could never really understand faith.
Meditation, chanting, fasting...nope, none of it worked.
Through sex and submission I have learned those things. I guess I needed a flesh and blood representation of the Divine. I needed to use my strong sexuality as the best conduit perhaps.
Well, at any rate, why is works is a pedantic point. It works. For me. And I am more in touch with the Universe, with my place in it, and with my own soul now than I have ever been.
Showing posts with label Submission. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Submission. Show all posts
Mental Bondage
(Dedicated to J.)
The power of a verbal command can be felt in a very physical way.
I think everyone has had the experience of being held to their word. That feeling you get when you feel obligated to do something; even though you know there is no way you can really be held to carry out that promise, you just can’t bring yourself to break your word.
Most people think in terms of a sub having to obey a command to stay still or to hold a position when they hear the term mental bondage. This is a very accurate description but it’s really only the tip of the iceberg.
When I truly feel submissive to someone I find myself incapable of breaking my word to them. Even if I know they have no way of knowing that I haven’t done what I was told to do, I still feel a compulsion to obey.
I’m not sure I recognized that compulsion until I was taught that bondage originates in the will of the dominant, not in the chains, ropes, or even in the consequences. I know I never really understood the connection between physical bondage and my submissive nature until I made that realization.
The cuffs and collars, ropes and chains, even the cage, are symbolic of the inner grasp the dominant has over me. They don’t have to exist in order for me to feel bound by his Will. I’m motivated by his self-determination. The more confident he is of his purpose, and his ability to bring that vision to life, the more compelled I am to join him in trying to make that vision a reality.
(I suppose it’s a type of charisma I’m referring to; that quality that we recognize in great leaders. Interesting thought; I need to explore that more…)
The bottom line (no pun intended) is that I obey, once I am compelled to obey…Not by force or by consequences, but by mental bondage. That mental bondage nurtures a strong devotion, a commitment towards a shared vision…
Interesting thought to explore. I imagine I’m only beginning to tap the surface of this aspect of myself, at any rate.
The power of a verbal command can be felt in a very physical way.
I think everyone has had the experience of being held to their word. That feeling you get when you feel obligated to do something; even though you know there is no way you can really be held to carry out that promise, you just can’t bring yourself to break your word.
Most people think in terms of a sub having to obey a command to stay still or to hold a position when they hear the term mental bondage. This is a very accurate description but it’s really only the tip of the iceberg.
When I truly feel submissive to someone I find myself incapable of breaking my word to them. Even if I know they have no way of knowing that I haven’t done what I was told to do, I still feel a compulsion to obey.
I’m not sure I recognized that compulsion until I was taught that bondage originates in the will of the dominant, not in the chains, ropes, or even in the consequences. I know I never really understood the connection between physical bondage and my submissive nature until I made that realization.
The cuffs and collars, ropes and chains, even the cage, are symbolic of the inner grasp the dominant has over me. They don’t have to exist in order for me to feel bound by his Will. I’m motivated by his self-determination. The more confident he is of his purpose, and his ability to bring that vision to life, the more compelled I am to join him in trying to make that vision a reality.
(I suppose it’s a type of charisma I’m referring to; that quality that we recognize in great leaders. Interesting thought; I need to explore that more…)
The bottom line (no pun intended) is that I obey, once I am compelled to obey…Not by force or by consequences, but by mental bondage. That mental bondage nurtures a strong devotion, a commitment towards a shared vision…
Interesting thought to explore. I imagine I’m only beginning to tap the surface of this aspect of myself, at any rate.
Submissive But Not Weak
The question that led me to research the world of BDSM and the psychology of submission is one that has been nagging at me for over 25 years.
WHY, at 15, had I provoked my first true love into spanking me...In public? I knew somehow deep inside that if he did, it meant that he loved me.
What a strange idea.
And yet, for no rational reason I could articulate, I wanted him to prove his love by controlling my bratty behaviour. It's not as though I wanted to be abused. It's not as though I came from an abused background and it was the only kind of love I recognized. It wasn't as if I was searching for an absentee father.
I just KNEW that if he cared, if he really, really, loved me, he'd take me over his knee in front of all those people and spank me.
He did.
I loved him wildly for 5 years, although we weren't together that long.
Looking back I know what it was I loved about him. I loved that he was strong. Determined. Not afraid to take control. Not willing to let ME control HIM. Not NEEDING me to be responsible for him.
I have always felt somewhat responsible for the world. A silly thing to be sure, but a powerful illusion anyway. If it rained on my friend's parade I felt it was my fault the sun had not come out. The universe just might not turn without me there to guide the orbits.
Many of us have this strange complulsion.
Most submissives are people who take on a great deal of responsibility. They are often strong and powerful people. They are leaders, people who are relied on by their friends, families and employers. People who are compelled to take control of a situation.
Of course this takes a strong person. But even strong people get tired. The universe is a heavy place to hold up after all.
At the very least you will find that most submissives excercise a great deal of control over their small part of the universe.
And this is the secret - for me at least - to my desire to be submissive.
For those moments in time when I am bound, when I have given that control over to someone else for awhile I am at peace. I am free. I am without responsibility for the world. Someone 'loves' me enough to take it off my shoulders. To let me fly.
In those moments, everything else falls away. There is nothing I need to do but follow where my Dom leads. There is nothing else I CAN do.
And that is a wonderful place to be...for awhile.
I don't want to be powerless in my life. And this is what a lot of people think being submissive means. I just want to have my power recharged. To take a respite and come back to the world just as strong and powerful as before.
So now I know it's not about abuse. It's not about weakness. It's about being strong enough inside to trust that I can put aside power for awhile and get it back when I'm ready.
Not so strange after all....
WHY, at 15, had I provoked my first true love into spanking me...In public? I knew somehow deep inside that if he did, it meant that he loved me.
What a strange idea.
And yet, for no rational reason I could articulate, I wanted him to prove his love by controlling my bratty behaviour. It's not as though I wanted to be abused. It's not as though I came from an abused background and it was the only kind of love I recognized. It wasn't as if I was searching for an absentee father.
I just KNEW that if he cared, if he really, really, loved me, he'd take me over his knee in front of all those people and spank me.
He did.
I loved him wildly for 5 years, although we weren't together that long.
Looking back I know what it was I loved about him. I loved that he was strong. Determined. Not afraid to take control. Not willing to let ME control HIM. Not NEEDING me to be responsible for him.
I have always felt somewhat responsible for the world. A silly thing to be sure, but a powerful illusion anyway. If it rained on my friend's parade I felt it was my fault the sun had not come out. The universe just might not turn without me there to guide the orbits.
Many of us have this strange complulsion.
Most submissives are people who take on a great deal of responsibility. They are often strong and powerful people. They are leaders, people who are relied on by their friends, families and employers. People who are compelled to take control of a situation.
Of course this takes a strong person. But even strong people get tired. The universe is a heavy place to hold up after all.
At the very least you will find that most submissives excercise a great deal of control over their small part of the universe.
And this is the secret - for me at least - to my desire to be submissive.
For those moments in time when I am bound, when I have given that control over to someone else for awhile I am at peace. I am free. I am without responsibility for the world. Someone 'loves' me enough to take it off my shoulders. To let me fly.
In those moments, everything else falls away. There is nothing I need to do but follow where my Dom leads. There is nothing else I CAN do.
And that is a wonderful place to be...for awhile.
I don't want to be powerless in my life. And this is what a lot of people think being submissive means. I just want to have my power recharged. To take a respite and come back to the world just as strong and powerful as before.
So now I know it's not about abuse. It's not about weakness. It's about being strong enough inside to trust that I can put aside power for awhile and get it back when I'm ready.
Not so strange after all....
~ C.A. 2001
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