Finding Your Level - Pt 2

A young Dom-to-be wrote to me and and mentioned his trouble with the idea of slavery as a kink concept. His comment was that he is inclined, as a young American, to think of slavery in terms of his country's history, and he wondered how people can justify giving up liberties in this day and age.

He was also concerned that he had offended me with a previous email where we had discussed what drew me, and others like me, to kink.

This was my response:

Not to worry. I didn't find your email offensive at all. I think you simply hold all the usual reservations and concerns any sane, caring individual would, given that they had little or no knowledge of BDSM.

Good books to read include SM101 by Jay Wiseman, and The Loving Dominant by John Warren. Be wary of what you read online by people who only have chatroom/online experience.

One way to look at the "master/slave" mentality of this lifestyle is to realize that we are not talking about the non-consensual slavery of your country's past. D/s resembles more a type of responsibility Feudal Lords had for the well-being of their peons, or the type of behaviour espoused by the bible when referring to an ethical "Master of The House".

As to why any sane adult would put themselves in the position of being submissive to someone else's will, one simply has to look at human nature. Many of us take great pleasure in catering to other's needs, whether in a Florence Nightingale sense, a Mother Theresa sense, or in a Buddhistic/Zen mindset.

Also, do not forget that humans are pack animals and like wolves tend to seek their standing in the pack to ensure survival. Some temperments are better suited to an Alpha lifestyle, while others feel more comfortable as followers.

In return for these perceived sacrifices the submissive personality should expect that the alpha they bond to will take their well-being into consideration and make decisions that will ensure a happy, healthy relationship for both parties.

Naturally this is all too complex to go into in greater detail here, but I do hope it has given you some small insight and perhaps renewed enthusiasm for exploring this lifestyle.

Take care.