Throwing A Little Light On Masochism

I don't really consider myself a masochist. This may come as news to those who know me as a submissive, and especially as one with a healthy appetite for play.

I can't really say how some people seem able to directly turn pain into pleasure. I imagine it's a rarer quality than most people are led to believe, when they enter the lifestyle. But what I have experienced is that an intense sensation, which might at first be experienced as pain, can be made bearable by the endorphins the brain releases as a protective measure.

(Adrenaline can also bring this on, in scenes that are fear-based, or even just emotionally edgy...)

Eventually, flooded with enough endorphins, one feels pleasure. Since sexual arousal also can be considered an endorphin rush I would say the brain probably just cross-references such sensations, and sometimes that pain is experienced as sexual pleasure. Sometimes, however, it’s just a more diffuse, general pleasure.

Naturally, adding sexual stimuli to the painful one can be quite effective in directing the pleasure to be experienced as sexual in nature, although it’s not a smooth, seamless path. Sometimes it's like the waves on a beach...they overlap, and alternate.

If I’m experiencing sexual pleasure, painful stimuli added to that can become a distractant, and not an amplifier. This depends on the stimuli. It’s rather obvious that pain applied to erogenous zones would automatically be an amplifier, and it’s often the case, as long as the pain is not introduced in a sudden and jarring way.

(This is why nipple torture and genital torture are possible - and popular! - in BDSM.)

To further cloud the issue, if the painful stimulus is not a distractant from pleasure, it isn't generally perceived as pain, except perhaps intellectually. This is why I refer to BDSM activities that I enjoy as intense sensations, and not pain.

(If I perceive them as pain, I’m not enjoying them, strictly speaking, although I may enjoy suffering them to please my partner, or as an outward show of my submission to their will, sometimes even as a cathartic release, since tears are healing, but difficult for me to allow.)

Sometimes very intense pain causes so much chemical flooding, that one may experience a type of body-disengagement, sometimes referred to as flying. I have only experienced this twice, maybe three times, and it can be a very spiritual type of pleasure. I believe that this is the type of pleasure people into pain rituals - such as hanging from flesh-hooks - seek. It can be accompanied by visions, and apparently a hyper-clarity of thought, at times.

I am always amazed at what kinds of stimuli I can take, and how it's perceived by my body. It's never consistent either; I can love or hate something, dependant on many factors, such as emotional state, hormones, body position, who my partner is...

Bondage, interestingly enough, allows me to accept more pain. I think when I am not bound, my subconscious thinks I should be trying to get away, which is a realistic response, and so I struggle against it.

When I'm bound, well, there is no point in fighting, so obviously my mind is forced to look for other ways to deal with the sensation.

Subspace, can be a type of bondage, in this case. I do take more pain when I am emotionally connected to my partner, and feel that compulsion to please, and obey.

In general, although not everyone would agree, I don’t consider myself a masochist simply because I do not seek pain. I seek intense sensations because I am an adrenaline and endorphin junkie, and accept pain, as a submissive who seeks to please, and to entertain my partner.

(If my struggles and squeals are rewarding for him, they become rewarding to me by default; this occurs within limits of course, in the context of trust and emotional bonding.)

In the end, sensations are only sensations. They are neural and chemical reactions processed by the brain, coloured and given meaning by the complicated, and subjective, mind.